OUT OF DARKNESS

2 SAMUEL 22:29 OR PSALM 18:28 "You are my lamp, O Lord; the Lord turns my darkness into light."


     I try not to write anything in the darkness.
    You know the darkness. For some it may be depression. For others it may be a spiritual battle or a time when life has been harsh. It is amazing how we can function just enough in the darkness to get by but not enough to get out.
     My recent bout of darkness left me unable to sleep. Sundays, as a rule, drain me. I am not sure those who do not stand behind the pulpit on a weekly basis understand the battle that goes on spiritually when one preaches. And the battle always takes its toll on the body.
     The fact I love to preach does not mean it is any less draining. It is even more so if you are carrying the darkness with you.
     There is something awesome that happens when I preach. The darkness lifts for that 30 minute window. I feel the best I feel all week, darkness or without darkness, in the pulpit.
     But if you are battling the darkness it returns, for me, one step from behind the pulpit. And it did so in full force this past Sunday.
     But God turns my darkness into light! This is my testimony today.
     I woke up Monday from a fitful night. The darkness kept me awake, I slept in fits. My mind racing, my heart heavy. Today was going to be a dark day. So dark that I did not have the strength to apply God's Word; so dark that my journal for the day consisted with one sentence about how dark it is. I get through the day, trying to be as normal as possible but the darkness prevails.
    Finally, as I crash into bed at 6:00, I find I can't even read the darkness is so heavy. And then I do the first right thing all day. Instead of lamenting the darkness, I pray to God to take the darkness. Why didn't I think of that before? I prayed for the cause of my darkness. And then I slept the heaviest sleep in years. It was three hours of dreamless sleep, awakened by the phone as it rang and rang.
     It was then 9:00. I had slept so hard I did not notice my wife had gone out of bed and to the store. But I did notice my darkness was turned into light. I was a totally different person. After a weekend of darkness, God's lamp was before me.
    It was one of the most exhilarating moments of my walk with Christ. I am not prone to darkness, you see and so I rarely experience the light that comes after the darkness. Everything had changed. I was assured of God's love and strength. I was ready for the day ahead. And now I have written out of darkness.
     Those who read this and suffer from depression, please do not think I am making light of depression or implying that all it takes is a simple prayer and all is well. I know that is not the case. My darkness was more oppressive than depressive. The source was well known to me.
    I only know that God again made his word true, to me. The source of darkness still exists. I will still have to deal with what brought the darkness on. But God has turned my own personal darkness into light. Amen.